The phone call in April left me a mess for months. Even now, I long to call her up a hundred times a day just to hear her voice, just to say hello to a dear friend. However, I lack the strength to discover exactly how far sheâ€™s moved on, and with whom. Torturing myself is useless, and there will never be answers to all my questions. I keep thinking â€˜it should have been me,â€™ but there were just too many strikes against us. We were too far apart, we wanted different things, etc.