My Toes Look Like Vienna Sausages (and Other Pregnant Pauses)

One day I will take a photo of my toes
And look at it years later, wrinkle my nose
They look like they should be stuffed in a can
Or cooking in a campfire frying pan.

It’s not the only thing that’s weird about me
So many changes come with a growing belly
There’s the obvious fact; my clothes don’t fit
And oh, frabjous day! My humongous tits

I am puffy everywhere; my fingers the most
And every painkiller is an improbable dose
I got carpal tunnel, that’s no fun
And swelling everywhere comes from the scorching sun

I can’t eat sushi, raw milk or caffeine
And still I’m gaining five pounds a week it seems
Bending over’s a challenge, so’s wiping my butt
My walk is a waddle, no longer a strut

When counting down weeks, days seem like years
And every minute a new stretchmark appears
I’m not complaining, Jah’s all I’m looking forward to
And on his birth day, my whole life will be like new!