Can’t complain about anything these days. Thank you, universe!
Jah was sick, on and off, the past week. It was a first a fever, then a cold. Then the fever disappeared, but a rash took its place. And then, a cough that wouldn’t go away. Almost every night my 15 month old had difficulty sleeping, and he would sleep in our bed, tossing and turning, burrowing his tiny head between my armpit for warmth, or comfort, I don’t know. I would tuck his little legs between mine, which he liked. But every few hours, when his nose would be too clogged to breathe, he would wake up crying, so that I, too, was delirious from lack of sleep, constantly trying to calm him down. One position he especially liked was sleeping on my belly in a prostate position. It was during one of these delirious states that I realized how big he was. Already, his body is longer than my torso—which is amazing, considering I grew him in my belly from the size of a bean. How long til he’s taller than me? When can I fit, cradled in his armpit, with his chin resting on top of my head instead?
When Jah arrived from a week in Milwaukee without both his parents, he was not happy. He cried when he saw me at the airport, angrily, then reached for his nanny. He’s never going anywhere without us again.
I was missing Jah so badly today, and I realized this must be how parents feel all the time when their children are away. It’s a sick, queasy feeling coupled with an emptiness that distracts you into trying to start everything and finishing nothing.
Jah went to Milwaukee to visit relatives without us, so we tried to keep busy. We bought our tickets to the Philippines, got old computers fixed, cleaned out closets, got massages, watched a movie (Moneyball) in a real theater and went to the Prospector for karaoke. I sang “Suedehead” by Morrissey and it’s been in my head since.
The artist Airika played this song on her mini accordion especially–and only for–Jah because she thought he was so cute! She’s an amazing artist, and he loooooved it. I’m sure even at 9 months old he knew how special that was.
It’s not the only thing that’s weird about me
So many changes come with a growing belly
There’s the obvious fact; my clothes don’t fit
And oh, frabjous day! My humongous tits
I am puffy everywhere; my fingers the most
And every painkiller is an improbable dose
I got carpal tunnel, that’s no fun
And swelling everywhere comes from the scorching sun
I can’t eat sushi, raw milk or caffeine
And still I’m gaining five pounds a week it seems
Bending over’s a challenge, so’s wiping my butt
My walk is a waddle, no longer a strut
When counting down weeks, days seem like years
And every minute a new stretchmark appears
I’m not complaining, Jah’s all I’m looking forward to
And on his birth day, my whole life will be like new!