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Can you go home again?

Art picked me up from the John Wayne airport. As we turned into Campus, then the 55, then Newport, I was struck by how much I missed Orange County. The streets were wide and clean and welcoming, how the air seemed cleaner and much more open, how everyone’s tattoos were less grungy, and people wore their clothing easily. The lights on the freeway twinkled like stars. Everything seemed romantic and bathed in SoCal air.

Seeing Amir, Art and Reza again made me feel like nothing had changed in the year and a half that I’d been away; at the Avalon, Reza talked about his new kicks. Amir was (late as usual) editing another film. Art had lost 20 pounds and grew a mustache. Chris was nowhere to be found. Shanks and the Dreamers was now a two-piece; the new songs were more Massive Attack than Sonic Youth. Drunk, we snagged tacquitos from Alfredo’s; the last time I ate there, I was with Marla and Ben, and some dude randomly gave us roses at the drive through. We ended up at La Cave, with Amir asking if I’d ever been there before. I glared at him: “I forgot you lived here,” he laughed.

Today Dennis, Annette and I had indian food. They were watching a show at the Grove, so we made plans to hang out. As usual he complained about how far Cameo was, I forgot to give him the gate code and we got lost on Jamboree. It was my bad memory at fault; I couldn’t figure out which exit came before which. I didn’t know if it seemed totally normal — familiar, business as usual — that I was in Tustin again, where my cel phone didn’t have service and exits were miles away. But it seemed like I had never left, that we were reenacting scenes that had taken place last week, last year, five years ago.

It’s the same at Tita Veekee’s house. Spending time with 14 members of my family is harder than ever; we’re in the Midwest, Eddie lives in Australia, my mom and Titale in the Philippines. But we have the same drama, the same jokes, the same chaotic craziness that just bubbles up when we’re all in one place. I saw Sarapot for the first time in more than a year; I forgot how much I missed her and we fell asleep talking on the couch. Ethan heard us cackling at 3a.m. last night. “You guys were so loud,” he said.

It’s going to be 10 more days of hanging out with my friends at places that meant a lot to me. I am totally excited, waiting to get sucked in. Five years ago I wrote Mario: “I’m taking The Longest Vacation, Ever!” Make this The Longest Vacation, Ever! Part 2.

What now?

A lot of people have been asking me that question, especially because I’ve announced to all that I am leaving Milwaukee. I don’t know where I want to go, but as much as I love my friends in Milwaukee and the city itself, I know for sure I can’t handle another winter in my life.

Maybe I’ll be braver in the future, but in the two winters I spent in Wisconsin, I witnessed about 180 inches of snow altogether. That’s a lot of ice and snow and slipping and gloves and down jackets and layers and thermals and grey and clouds and cabin fever for a girl who was raised to be suntanned and slippery, swimming happily in pee-warm, turquoise-blue waters, squinting at the sun in wide open skies.

Luckily I don’t believe I need to look for a regular job ASAP — nor do I really want to at this point. What with the turmoil in the newspaper industry (the LA Times, Chicago Tribune and the Journal Sentinel announcing layoffs and/or buyouts), I may leave journalism for good. It’s tough to set your career path in an industry that you don’t know will exist before you’re 50. Not that I’m thinking that far ahead, either.

All I know is this: I love writing, and print media is what I’ve done since I was 18. I love the process of newsgathering. I love writing ledes and shaping stories. I love putting packages together — with sidebars, photos, timelines, quizzes, whatever. But I want my work’s value to be recognized; readers/editors/publishers should know journalists like me put in a lot of care and energy into a story that is worthy of our byline. That we sometimes dream in ledes and story angles, and that reporting and editing IS sometimes tantamount to rocket science. And I guess I’m just not seeing that value in the industry right now.


So, my options. If I died tomorrow, my only regret would be not finishing my book. So that is #1 on my list. I’ve always wanted to go on a yoga retreat. I’ve always wanted to live in a Spanish-speaking country so I could hone my language skills. I’ve always wanted to go to South America and India. I’ve always wanted bum around in the Philippines and surf all day. I’ve always wanted to go to Cambodia and Vietnam. I’ve always wanted to live in New York, but I’ve been missing California A LOT. I’ve always wanted to do a project related to my dad’s work.

I suppose I could try and figure out how to do all this now that I have all this time, but our severance package isn’t THAT big. Also, I’m at a point in my life where I NEED good friends around me. I don’t think I can stand to make new friends in a new city and then leave them again. Like I did in Milwaukee. Or Orange County. Or Manila. It’s too heartbreaking.

So it’s boiled down to this: my options are ultra wide-open, but wherever I end up living will be a place where the weather is mild and I have a lot of friends. It could be New York, because most of my best friends live there now. It could be LA. It could be Manila.

And I will always be writing, and creating, and hopefully I will make music again. So you’ll see my byline when I send the pitches I’ve been dreaming about to various editors. And that’s what’s up with me.

The lola song

Dennis and Carlo are so funny. This is like a Flip version of ‘Flight of the Conchords.’ But funnier cause it’s Dennis and Carlo. Dennis was my roommate for a year or something. He makes good salmon steak.

What happens when you plagiarize yourself?

 

I was reading my old blog and saw this post, written in January, 2003: 

Nothing better 

If I could feel just one emotion for the rest of my life, it would be anticipation. Running across the airport with your rolling suitcase, going on a blind date, opening a new CD, falling in love, sticking your tongue out to taste Nepalese snow. Standing in line to ride the biggest fucking roller coaster in the world.

 

Five years later I feel like I took this mantra too much to heart. I hate missing flights, dating, and don’t even own CD’s anymore. Two years ago, my 20-year-old cousin Sara and I were at the OC fair and she wanted to go on a ride. I was like, “ehh…”

She looked at me in shock and was like, “Oh my GOD, Lille! You’re OLD!”

 

MKE is gone, I was laid off, blah blah blah

mke office

Today is the first lucid day I’ve had since Wednesday, when we were told that MKE was folding. Post-five-day bender, here is what I learned:

1. I can’t finish thoughts and sentences properly under duress

2. I heart Milwaukee more than I thought my officemates more than I thought was possible.

3. I need a dog.

4. I wanted to say all these terrible things about other people but I ACTUALLY believe in karma! Who knew?

Other than feeling sorry for myself though, I am also at a point where I’m pretty sure I want to leave journalism. That leaves me the following options:

1. Go surfing in SEAsia for a while, like six months

2. Visit my sister in Australia/Su in Sebastopol/James in North Carolina/Apol in Provence

3. Assist my cousin as a wedding photographer in Orange County

4. Finally move to NYC and crash on people’s couches

5. Finish that effin book.

 

My mom, oddly enough, wasn’t too upset that I lost my job: she said, “ooh! You can come home and we can sell paintings!”

 

Ed and I update old skool idioms

1. “You sound like a broken record.” - “You sound like you’re stuck in repeat mode.”

2. “He’s like a walking encyclopedia.” - “He’s like a walking Wikipedia.”

3. “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” - “Dont judge a book by its thumbnail.”

4. “A picture is worth a thousand words.” - “A pixel is worth a thousand word docs.”

5. “Pag may tiyaga may hiwaga.” - “Pag may tiyaga naka dial-up.”

6. “The writing’s on your wall.” - “The writing’s on your rss feed.”

7. “A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.” - “A chain is no stronger than its weakest hyperlink.”

8. “Aanhin pa ang damo kung  kung patay na ang kabayo.” - “Aanhin pa ang connection kung patay na ang computer.”

9. “The early bird gets the worm.” - “The early registrant gets the domain.”

10. “Mabilis pa sa alaskwatro.” - “Mabilis pa sa t1.”

11. “Daig pa ng maagap ang nagliliveblog”

12. “Push the  envelope” - “Push the manila envelope (to wit, the macbook air pushed the manila envelope)”

13. “Nothing is certain but death and taxes” - “Nothing is certain but death and Google”

14. “Para kang tindahan na bukas sa lahat” - “Para kang hotspot na walang WEP key”

15. “To make the long story short” - “To make a long story a stub” or “to twitter a story”

barackandroll.com

shirts from kyle, originally uploaded by lille.

My friend Kyle is a GENIUS. He makes slogan shirts for Barack Obama on Barackandroll.com. I overestimated how big I was and got a large Barack to the Future shirt, which is too big for me, but awesome nonetheless.

A list of things I like about Milwaukee

1. It is pretty small, so driving around isn’t a hassle like Southern California. The distance, for example, from my old gym to my old house is equivalent to one end of the city to the other.

2. Like Manila, you bump into people you know.

3. Interesting things are ALWAYS going on. The bummer is that because it’s so small it’s possible to go to every event, so you have to pick and choose. This weekend: Combat Theater/Jeff Dunham/Mark Kozelek/Pridefest/Indigo Girls/Locust Street Days/Beer Run. What to do, what to do…

4. Great coffee. Everyone in my family is now a coffee connoisseur because of Anodyne, Alterra and Stone Creek.

5. Great beer. And I can seriously say I now take beer seriously.

6. No one is obsessed with Hollywood. Not everyone watches TV, people hardly read Perez Hilton, or entertainment magazines.

7. I mentioned hassle-free commuting in #1, but there is also NO TRAFFIC! Ever! So everything is 15 minutes away, max. You can also park anywhere you want, like Orange County.

8. Changing seasons.

Me and Fab are going to have a good time

I found a Shady blog by accident today. I knew he was writing one but I didn’t think to ask if it was up yet.

While there, I found the cover of his latest book, drawn in blood. “The Roberts” is about two serial killers who were never caught, and instead grow old together in an old-age home. I saw two pages in a preview, and I must say it is breathtakingly awesome.

I write about this because I am dogsitting Justin’s dog, A.K.A. the best dog in the universe, Mr. Fabulous. For five whole days this week, while they in LA. Mr. Fab is such a good dog that I have dreams that we’re off in Batangas surfing and sunbathing. Kathy and Justin think it’s creepy. I think it’s LOVE.

P.S.

A few minutes after originally posting this, Kathy sent me this picture message! HOW CUTE!

Statements



Statements, originally uploaded by sugarfreak.

Found another IMtoon on Lia’s blog, but this made me laugh so much more